We had No Control.
From the time we are born we have little, to no control, over the events that happen to, or around us. For example; the weather. Summer, autumn, winter, spring and summer again. They all happen with varying degrees of intensity all our lives. We may hope for a warmer, milder or cooler experience in any one of those four seasons. And we may reflect back and label them as either good or bad.
The seasons is a simple example. But what about life?
We may feel anxiety or stress thinking of something happening in the future. Or we may feel bad, or troubled by something that happened in our remembered past. It may have been a traumatic event. Resulting in depression, or post traumatic stress (PTSD). Any one of these can impact our lives by triggering anger. Feelings of a lack of direction, or difficulty with relationships. Leaving us feeling sad, not happy. Or we may feel excited, thinking of something happening in the future. Or pleased, and smiling, remembering something that happened in the past.
So where do our sad or happy feelings come from? Let me explain it this way.
Imagine, as we go through life, we’re all standing in the ocean of life. An event happens in our lives. And life throws that event at us like a ball. The ball has a P on it. We don’t what the P represents.
You, like me and everyone else, have a unique set of values. Our values are as unique to us as our fingerprints. And we wear our values like a pair of glasses. Now when we view that event, that P represents either an emotional pain, or pleasure for us. If it is a plaesure, we release the ball and let it float on top of the water. Happy to talk about and share that moment with anyone. But if that P represents an emotional pain, we push and hold the ball down underwater. Out of sight. We don’t want to think or talk about that event with anyone. For if we do, we’ll feel that emotional pain rise up inside us again. This happens, in milliseconds with us all. Holding down painful emotions takes a lot of our energy, concentration and focus.
When we focus on what someone did, or did not do. Either in the present, or in the past, we will judge it. This is based on our perception of a same, or similar experience we had in the past.